It’s a question that has crossed almost everyone’s mind at some point in their life, if only for a fleeting moment – who is the most wifeable of the Disney princesses? Even if it was when you were six, there was a time when you thought that maybe, just maybe, Ariel was your soul mate. You wouldn’t even mind the tail.
There’s no denying it, these Disney gurls are all utter babes, and in amongst the fishy past, beastly taste in men and dislike of hairdressers, there’s definitely numerous qualities you would look for in a spouse. But when push comes to shove, who really is the most wifeable princess? Whose dainty finger should you put a ring on? So we’ve weighed up their assets to find out who really is the fairest of them all (inside and out).
P.S. To keep things fair and unbiased, we’re going in date order of film release. Let the games begin.
Known for: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
Pros: Dubbed the ‘fairest of them all’ (by an enchanted mirror no less), she’s got it going for her in the looks department. Natural black locks, porcelain skin, lips the perfect shade of red – plus those doe eyes. To top it all off, she’s sugary sweet and has a huge heart – immediately trusting, honest and finding the good qualities in people. And she’s sure to pull her weight around the house, with years of being a maid at her stepmother’s house, then cooking and cleaning for seven men.
Cons: Rather gullible (that apple debacle), total goody-goody and a bit of a pushover. Why didn’t she demand that the dwarves helped clean the house and cook their own meals? Also, comes with the added baggage of severe emotional trauma of losing both parents and being poisoned. And even if there’s no relation to the Disney version, I just can’t get Kirsten Stewart out of my mind.
Wifeability rating: 6/10
Known for: Cinderella (1950)
Pros: Humble, kind, gentle – and the girl can sing (classic hits include ‘A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes’). The natural blonde has dainty feet made for dancing (until midnight anyway). Much like her predecessor who also had stepmother issues, Cindy also has top notch cleaning skills.
Cons: Terrible family, think of the awkward conversation at the wedding. Plus stepsisters Drizella and Anastasia would try and hit on all the men. Believes in magic (could be a pro also, depends how good you are at card tricks). A little too innocent/vanilla though.
Wifeability rating: 7/10
Known for: Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Pros: She might be the quintessential princess – those enchanting curls, the golden tiara, the perfect polite demeanour. Gentle, kind and can carry a tune, kind of adorably clueless.
Cons: Possible narcoleptic. Despite the general niceness of her, she’s indisputably bland.
Wifeability rating: 6/10
Known for: The Little Mermaid (1989)
Pros: Best voice of the bunch. Excellent swimmer. Looks great in a shell bra.
Cons: Willing to change pretty dramatic aspects of herself to please a man smells a little bit desperate? Like Cinders, there’s a certain naivety present in Ariel, and despite having hair the same colour as one, the girl isn’t doesn’t seem to be the brightest Crayola in the box. Plus she seems to have some hoarding tendencies – loves shiny things, doodads, whosits and watchits (also vocab needs some work). Oh and one last thing: HOW DO YOU HAVE SEX?
Wifeability rating: 5/10
Known for: The Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Pros: Belle seems like she’s all class. She reads, is a natural beauty with her brunette locks. Not at all shallow, she sees past the exterior to the person inside. Definitely the bring-home-to-meet-the-folks type.
Cons: Talks to inanimate objects (though to her credit I guess they are animate in the film). Unlike some of the more gutsy princesses (Jasmine, Mulan, Pocahontas) Belle unfortunately falls a little flat when it comes to sass, letting people walk all over her. She’s just too nice for her own good.
Wifeability rating: 8.5/10
Known for: Aladdin (1992)
Pros: Smart, sexy and independent, Jasmine also knew a matching two piece was cool way before the fashion kids did. Despite her wealthy upbringing, she’s not a spoilt brat, and doesn’t care about things like status or money. She would love you for who you are, and doesn’t mind if you’re a little rough around the edges. She’s chill with your friends, even. Biggest pro? This moment:
Did we mention smokin’?
Cons: Are there any?
Wifeability rating: 10/10
Known for: Pocahontas (1995)
N.B. History says the real Pocahontas was about 12 years old when her and John Smith met. For the record, we’re talking Disney’s interpretation of the warrior princess, who was based on Native American actress Irene Bedard.
Pros: Very proud and loyal, P is a wife that would stick by you. Passionate and a nature lover, she’s a little cheeky as well as being wise beyond her . Then there’s those curves, the way her lush hair flows in the breeze, and that voice – one enchanting package.
Cons: Gets angry or offended easily. Scary ex-boyfriend who also happens to be a warrior and may kill you.
Wifeability rating: 8/10
Known for: Mulan (1998)
Pros: The only Disney Princess who is not actually a Disney Princess – low maintenance much? Strong, independent, sassy as hell. A hard worker, this kid never gives up, not even when subjected to arduous tasks and humiliation in the army. Also does this blowing her hair of her face thing that is adorable.
Cons: Really, really good at pretending to be a man…and might borrow a lot of your clothes. Also, she is probably a better swordfighter than you. Don’t expect an ego boost from this one.
Wifeability rating: 7.5/10
Known for: The Princess and the Frog (2009)
Pros: Super hardworking, this princess is driven and clever as well as baben. Not quite as well known as her royal counterparts, but her heart is clearly in the right spot.
Cons: Pretty hard-headed and a little annoyingly sincere. Also, there’s the fact that she’s a frog for a good amount of the time, which could make things a little difficult…
Wifeability rating: 6.5/10
Known for: Tangled (2010)
Pros: New kid on the Disney block, our girl Rapunzel is a kind of endearingly spacey artist type. If rescuing damsels in distress gets you going, she’s your dream gal.
Cons: Those crazy eyes give off a very Overly Attached Girlfriend vibe. Would avoid. Then there’s the childlike attitude/body – very Lolita. Finally, all that hair would just get annoying, clogging up drains, whipping you in the face when she turns around etc.
Wifeability rating: 2/10