The Week in Trailers 13.12.13

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Welcome to Friday the 13th’s The Week in Trailers, a place where insane women reign with a vengeance, (read: Paz de la Huerta, AnnaLynne McCord), a barefoot woman played by Evan Rachel Wood falls in love, or something, and cartoon Dorothy goes back to Oz. There’s also a whole lot more science fiction than usual, which would be great, if the lead character in one of those films wasn’t played a guy partially famous for being a stripper (it just doesn’t feel right). Fear not, there is child-friendly sci-fi here as well, specifically for the G-rating in everyone that does – admit it – like to come out around Christmas. Smiley face.

-’til next week.

Godzilla
!!!Bryan Cranston and Elizabeth Olsen are in this, so far as I’m concerned, the latest reboot of the Japanese monster story is AWESOME. Also, hooray! It finally feels like there is a sequel to 1998′s Godzilla, which left open a very big door. This time round, it’s directed by Gareth Edwards.

Nurse 3D

Oh, you have a fear of needles? Don’t worry, this will only make things 1839867 times worse, particularly if you’re a guy who has, on occasion or two, been a tad unfaithful. Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski.

Scorned
This movie doesn’t mark AnnaLynne McMcord’s first foray into crazy, but it does chart new territory, in the form of microwaving a dog. A living, breathing dog. Sure, it’s all fiction, but it’s still really, ridiculously awful – and all because her boyfriend wasn’t entirely faithful… wait, this wasn’t directed by Aarniokoski? What? Directed by Mark Jones.

Reasonable Doubt
Dominic Cooper and Samuel L. Mofo Jackson are the respective good guy/bad guy in Reasonable Doubt, but here’s the twist: good guy did something bad, and bad guy saw, and bad guy’s going to use it against good guy cause bad guy’s really bad. If I didn’t just make the most intriguing trailer this week sound too much  like a children’s picture book, then watch the trailer. I promise it’s so much better than I made it sound. Directed by first-timer Peter P. Croudins.

Barefoot
Evan Rachel Wood does bitch so well that ever since 2011′s Mildred Pierce miniseries, it’s been a challenge to imagine her otherwise. That said, the trailer for Barefoot, directed by Andrew Fleming, looks set to change that perception, drastically.

Jupiter Ascending
If you’ve been dying to see Channing Tatumas the lead in a film, die no longer. He’s here, he’s sci-fi, he’s action, he’s exactly what you’re expecting and that is… underwhelming at its finest (sorry). Directed by Andy and Lana Wachowski.

Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return
Let me save you time guessing the voices: Lea Michele, Kelsey Grammer, Martin Short, Hugh Darcy, Patrick Stewart, Dan Aykroyd, James Belushi. Otherwise self-explanatory, no?

Earth to Echo
Each week, there manages to be at eat one film that looks exactly like a cocktail of at least three others. In the case of Dave Green’s Earth to Echo, the ingredients are Super 8 (produced by Spielberg), ET (directed by Spielberg), and take your pick, any other Spielberg film.

I'm listening to Roxy Music's 'Avalon' right now, and worrying how that might influence a self-written portrayal of myself. As a result, I'm keeping things simple: writer, reader, watcher, skeptic. I like questions more than answers. Too mysterious? I promise I don't listen to Roxy Music often.

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